Dear Cyberfriend,

How do I know when someone is flirting with me online or is just being friendly? Should I ignore it or ask them? Maybe it is just their culture.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Since a lot of our readers may not know the word, lets begin by explaining "flirting". That's when one person does or says things to a second person of the opposite sex to suggest that the first person has a romantic interest in the second person. This is fine if the second person is interested in the first person, but if not, then the second person might feel uncomfortable or even threatened by unwanted flirting.

In general, people who do not know each other personally should avoid "flirting" in email. This is particularly true in professional or educational situations; for example in business letters or in the EFI. Many students at universities complain that they receive email messages where the sender is flirting with them, and they often ask someone in authority to put a stop to it.

But it is also common for people who are not native speakers of a language to write something that sounds to a native speaker like flirting, when the writer didn't mean it that way. For example, the students of one of my fellow teachers recently addressed her with "Helou Baby"! in the subject line of his message. From a native speaker, that would be inappropriate, but she thought her student was being "super friendly." People who speak a language well, if they are kind, allow learners of that language to make certain mistakes without becoming upset with them.

But your question is, what should you do about it? I think that if it happened just once, I would ignore it. If it happened more often, and you think the person has made an innocent mistake, then it is would probably be kind to explain the mistake in a nice way. If the person has an inappropriate language habit, then it's probably better that you explain it before it becomes a problem for that person.

If you think the person is in fact flirting with you could (1) flirt back, or (2) "tell the person off." If you want to "tell someone off" you could do it in a nice way. One way to do this in a nice way might be to give them the explanation mentioned in the last paragraph. The person should "get the hint" and stop. Or if the offense is particularly serious, then just tell them how you feel about it. If it continues after that, then you should just stop writing back.

If you are confused about how to address people in email, then study the email you receive from native speakers and use the forms of address you see there.

I hope this helps. (Here's a safe closing for email, so pay attention ...)

All the best,

Cyber Friend

cyber.friend@usa.net